i am so stressed..

I am so stressed these past few days. the current fact that i have no money right now won't help in any other way. I just can't help being depressed and stressed these past weeks, it seems that everything is going the wrong way. First, i am having this jittery dreams that really made me so ugh, i can't even explain. Single that i am and currently unnatached, Wouldn't you be bothered if you were dreaming that you are pregnant or actually giving birth?? Coz that was what happened to me! i just can't have any decent sleep at all after those freaking dreams!

2nd is my job. Oh, don't get me wrong. I love my job. Sometimes i don't have anything to do but surf the world wide web. With pay. What else could i ask? Well, there are hellish days, also. Like these past couple of days that all i have to do is to make a pot of roast coffee and let it get cold because i dont even have the time to drink it. Yes. i am that busy.

3rd, i applied for a part time job at safeway, and the funny thing is, i just want to fill up their application just for the heck of it. but i only wanted 16 hrs and they want 24. so i told them i could do it for 2 days a week, 12-12. but alas, they wanted a 3day-8hrs. ugh. Suckers.

4th. it was almost the 1st yr death anniversary of my aunt. Making myself believe she passed away was hard. But to think that it had been almost a year of pretension is even harder.

I could mention more reasons than these but it wouldn't make me less depressed. I just have to live my life like anybody else. And i know that problems come and go. And it wasn't as if i am the only one who got those. Some have more issues than the ones that i currently have. And that is more than enough reason to be thankful that i am still here. Writing my heart out.


If it ain't broken, why fix it? ----got this phrase from an e-mail signature somewhere. So true.

my idea of heaven

I never thought I'd get here
I was so far away
I didn't believe in love
Thought it was just a game people play
Everything changed when I met you
I touched your hand
You took my heart
And you led me to a better place
Just the two of us in the dark

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do

I never thought you'd get here
Why'd you make me wait?
But when I looked into your eyes
I recognized you were my fate
I'd been living in a lonely shell
With no windows to the world
How in God's name did you find
the lone star's loneliest girl?

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

In Heaven love is everywhere
There is no pain there are no tears
In Heaven love lasts forever
It doesn't disappear

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you
This is my idea of Heaven nothing else I'd rather do
To feel you heart beating
To feel our lips meeting
This is my idea of Heaven ooooo

This is my idea of Heaven lying here with you

It just feel so darn confusing.

I don't know where to start. There had been too much intrigue lately that God only knows why I am one of the receiving end of the disaster. I tried to holler back, but it's useless. I tried to keep my freaking mouth shut, but still, some people just don't know HOW and WHEN to shut the fuck up. Now, I will say what I wanted to say. This is my lair, so whoever had a violent reaction with regards to this, then GO TO HELL. or should i say, GO BACK TO HELL, 'coz you've been there all your fuckin life. GO HOME!

It's just hysterically funny how there are people who could just twist the real score. They create their own ghosts and now they are haunting them like crazy and still, put the blame on somebody else's shoes. it's so annoying how they tell you to shut the fuck up, or don't start a fire on your own turf, or say, you hurt them and their fleet, but they couldn't SEE that THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE DOING. it was like you are living your life to the fullest, then THEY came along, You welcomed them without any HIDDEN AGENDA on your part, but what did you get in return? They are accusing you of DESTROYING THEM. Gosh! Schizoprenics.. and the worst of all the worst, they can't even say it to your face. Saying they could play a FAIR DIRTY GAME. Tell me, In what way could a DIRTY GAME be played FAIR?

Yes, i am emotional. Yes, in this tough facade i am a touchy individual. I love my friends to a fault. and it really hurts me to be in the middle. Yes, I am torn. But I am not a hyprocrite. I am a straight forward person. If i like you, then I LIKE YOU. If i don't, you would know because I AM NOT THE TYPE who would still talk to you as if we are Spongebob and Patrick. And most of all, i don't use imaginary creatures to lure INNOCENT people for their sympathy and affection! Damn! And why am i saying this to my my blog instead of saying this to your asses? because this is how you want your games to be played. Poor Shot.

At first I pity those innocent people who were lured by the so called "nice" people like you. But after thinking for quite sometime, i realized that, why would I? It's not my fault that you are a bunch of idiots. And i am only wasting my precious time trying to save those who wouldn't want to be saved. And i am not that stupid to do that.

I maybe emotional but I have my own judgement. I can separate them both. And i don't need to go to the MOST EXCLUSIVE SCHOOL in town just to value my freedom and judgement. And of course i listen to both sides. LISTEN. and both got their own points of view. and the truth is - You both have a very very good points. But I have my own point, too. I am an individual and I don't care if your point is way better than mine. I stand by my OWN point. And I won't sacrifice my own point because yours is better than mine.

So, to anybody who happened to bump in this post of mine, and wanted to argue with me. Just shut the fuck up and be quiet and stop pissin' around because I am so pissed right now i could piss at yah! And if you happen to agree. Well, shutting up wouldn't hurt you, would it?

Life is so simple. Living and Having a Life is the complicated one.