Birthday Blues

January will always be a constant reminder of a New Beginning, but for me, it was more to it than a beginning of another year. January will always be a constant reminder to me that I need to be more responsible. More mature. More independent. and a lot wiser.

It's depressing to think that another year will be added to my age but still i am leaving this pathetic life that i lived all years through. Same old job. Same old faces. Friends that come and go. What else is new? This morning i looked in the mirror and i still see the same reflection i used to see every single day. I still watch cartoons with my nephews every night. Saturday will always be laundry day. Long weekends are always planned for gambling purposes. Same old routine all year through. Tsk, tsk. how boring and pathetic.

Maybe my immediate manager was correct when he jokingly e-mailed us the "job description" of our job in the company.

"WOC employees are people who don't have feelings, or collectively known as "Zombies". We eat, sleep, wake up and go to work every single day not because we want to but because we have to. Brains - YUM. ..:)"

Of course, that was merely a joke to make us feel better, but sometimes, i really do feel like a "zombie". I will always be the same old brand new me.

I just want to share a beginning entry from a writer/friend who is very close to my heart..

"January 01, 2009!

Unang araw ng taon.

We are another year older...

And hopefully---wiser.

May mga lantang dahon na nalaglag sa tangkay ng panahon, minsan it makes me wonder why do leaves have to fall. Bakit hindi manatiling sariwa at manatili sa tangkay?

But that's life. Hindi lahat ng gusto natin ay nangyayari. All we have to do is to look at the new leaf na nagsisimulang umusbong upang halinhan ang nalaglag na dahon.

And that starts the new season... new beginning.

We might have made some wrong choices for the past year. But that is all right. We learn from our mistakes and move on.

As the turning of a new leaf, magiging matalino na sa pagpili sa lahat ng bagay; sa mga desiyong binitiwan.

We must learn from our mistakes and be wiser. It may take us years to really mature enough. Again, that's all right. Time will take care of that..."

How true those words are. If only i could be that Proverbial leaf that falls during Autumn and will bloom again in Spring. If only its that easy to erase and rewind and change everything. If only i could turn back the hands of time. So many "if only's". But the truth always hurts. I can't just start over again just like that. I have to pick up all the pieces of myself together and move on. Anyways, there will always be the memories and lessons learned.

To tell the truth, another year just feels hecka the same thing. It is just another day in my life which will only be a history tomorrow. I'm tired of trying to get myself better every year, even its for my own good. From now on, i'll just live my life to the fullest, because by the end of the day, being happy and content are all that matters, anyway.